If you open the classified section of any newspaper, you shall see advertisement of training classes for every subject in school, cooking, driving a car, learning a new language, swimming, and even horse riding. It seems there are means to learn any skill you might desire, except how to love and be in a happy loving relationship.
We are assumed to know the other sex, know how to woo and once together in a relationship, how to sustain. Humans have been living together in packs, having families, relationships, children, and marriages in different ways around the world. Passed on from generation to generation, we carry forward our traditions of ‘how to attract, how to commit, even how to up-bring kids’. We grow up witnessing relationships forming and ending, with some ending even before they started. We are fed with passive information and form a notion on how to love and how to sustain when in a relationship.
Relationship troubles have been the same everywhere since the start. The language and expression might change but the problem remains the same. “The woman nags and the man forgets, the woman doesn’t give space and the man doesn’t care.”
As there is a noticeable lack of training and proper education on how to sustain a relationship, here are 5 tips to help build a strong and long lasting relationship:
Since we were babies, we were taught not to talk to strangers, to believe that friends have ulterior motives and to read between the lines. This might prove helpful to grow mentally but hampers our emotional growth. We begin to develop trust issues from an early age. One of the biggest reasons why relationships die out and end up having no passion or desire with the other is due to a lack of trust. We listen closely into every word and try to keep a close check on our partner which suffocates understanding and communication. The most important ingredient of a strong relationship is trust in your partner. Trust leads to transparency which helps individuals grow together.
‘I am nowhere (now-here or no-where)’
Miscommunication can have disastrous effects. It is usually the difference in understanding of a certain point that adds fuel to fire. Two individuals who intend to stay together, in a relationship filled with love and laughter must know how to talk and communicate. There is no doubt that silence speaks louder than words but you need to communicate through talking with words for years before silence can fill in the blanks. Taking time out of your schedule to talk about issues bothering your partner. This will make him/her feel at ease as you can work on a problem as a team. Most problems can be solved if spoken about. Remember, a communicating couple is a happy couple.
3) Give space and take space
Globalisation and education have brought men and women at par on many levels. Though still differing in terms of biology, both the sexes have never been so similar at the mental and emotional aspect of things. With both the partners working, doing household chores together, socialising and running errands, they tend of feel a lack of their ‘own time’.
In our busy times we deserve our space and so does our partner. The best way to solve a problem is to find it. You must do things that interest you and take time apart to think over issues that bother you and ways to rectify the mistakes of the past. Space is very essential in a long term relationship as it reaffirms your desires and gives you time for yourself. Give space to your partner and then the time spent together will have much more quality.
A long term relationship or a marriage is our promise to the other to share, everything in life, with them. Sharing successes and failures, highs and lows, wants and desires, with your partner will help you grow together and contribute highly towards a successful long term relationship. Sharing helps build compassion, trust and makes the two individuals feel as one. Once a couple shares failures together their relationship will grow stronger. ‘In adversity we see the true face of enemies and the false face of friends’. So share your secrets, passions, dreams, fears and goals with your partner and build a life together. This will always help re-kindle your love and sustain love in your relationship.
A broken heart cannot love. When we give we expect but we must learn how to forgive and forget. In any relationship, there are two people from different walks of life who decide to be together. There are bound to be fights and misunderstandings and things your partner does that you don’t approve of or things your partner did not do that you desired.
A relationship will not stay for long if you maintain a grudge or animosity against your partner. Frustration seeps out through different vents and your anger will cause fights on petty issues. If you don’t talk about it and forgive him/her, no matter how long that takes you, it will continue to create problems between you two. In the end, if you decide to stay in the relationship or walk away, you must learn to forgive. Only when you forgive will you be able to love. Forgiveness is the key to maintain any relationship in the long term.